Feeling sick...I caught that stupid flu bug...ick...but on a brighter note...I saw an old friend of mine I haven't seen him in quite some time since he started college...Sigh...sure he lives just down the street from me...and goes to school just down the other street...I still rarely hear from him...I was nice to talk with him again...even if he don't really remember another friend of ours that moved away...I guess that is okay...He was the first guy I ever fell for...I really liked him...but I sort of figured that since he was a senior and two and a half years older than me and I was a freshman...I thought that it would likely never work...I had thought that he liked our good friend...that I have know since junior high...but I guess all that time of spending time with her and ignoring me...I guess he doesn't remember her...Sigh...Well that is the way life goes...you have to love and learn...I'm still trying to learn from my most recent break up...sometimes it feels like he trys to single me out and try to make me jealous...but it could just be my imagination...Sure I still care about him...I care about all the guys I ever liked...even my first official relationship...he don't really talk with me anymore...haha..I was still only newly 16...I really didn't know how to handle it yet...but I learned...I made mistakes...and then met someone else...well remet...and made some more mistakes...and now I have to live through it...even though deep down I know I really truly do love him...there is a difference between the fantasy idealistic relationships of my past...sort of shallow...but this time it is different...I really do care and when I try to forget and move to other people I stop before I begin...I can't be with someone else when my heart still belongs to someone else...I can't lie like that....not to him...never....I would have to make closure...but now isn't the time I'm not really ready to give it up...